WTH!

So..... many folks would be excited to know they have an awesome husband who pretty much does anything for them. I am one of those folks. I love my hubbs more than anything in the world. He is my one true love, best friend, and confidant. But I swear to you, if we were running from a serial killer in the middle of the woods he would definitely get caught before me. Let me tell you why.
My hubbs is perhaps the slowest man on the planet. He will say he is calculated. However a fancy term you want to place on it, in easy words its considered sloooooow as shit. Getting ready to leave the house takes an act of congress to get things done and maintain focus at the task at hand. He has ADD intermittently. Like " I need my keys, wallet, oh.... whats this new flippy toy thing. Wow, did you see it can do this" as it makes the obnoxious noise in the background "ziing zaang zuzzuzuzuz" with his giggles breaking up the sounds from the toy. Then theres me.
Running around the house looking like a cyclone getting all kinds of stuff together for the trip out of the house. Diaper bags, diaper wipes, snacks, stuffed animals, sippy cup, shoes, car activities. You know the stuff you need for EVERY SINGLE trip out of the house. So why oh why does my soul mate still not understand what needs to be prepared for a day out of the house. Instead, there he stands with his keys and wallet "ziing zaang zuzzuzuuzzuuzing". Then when he drives (which he doesn't do often cuz we would never get to our destination on time) he twirls a radio remote control in his hand and stares out the window and then the other window, then the other window. He does not keep his head from moving back and forth. Not only is it distracting being his passenger, but its a hazard for him because while he veers all over the road sightseeing I am plotting a way to keep him out of the driver seat at the next stop. The nausea angle always works.....
So back to the forest serial killer crazed maniac chasing us and Shawn being caught first. Do I a. go back to save him and risk my life knowing we will probably both die together or b. keep running and hope shawn's left hook is in shape and he can get away and we'll meet up later for some caramel macchiatos. Hey why fight with destiny..... if he were to die and I survive..... that means my life has another plan. So..... hmmm...... Its been nice knowing you Shawn! Now I only have 4 loads of laundry to do a week.
"WWWWWaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH shoes mommy" Well thats it for this mental case........daughter needs her shoes and daddy is still playing with that damn ziinger toy. I wonder if I could rig it with electrical impulses...........